An Off Day

Today I had an "off-day." I woke up feeling sick and really dragging. Therefore, I opted to stay home from my internship. I HATE with a passion skipping work or school! Because if it's school, that means I have to make up the internship hours. I know I probably could have pushed myself to get up and go ahead and go, but I just couldn't find the motivation. Is that bad??? My body just clearly told me this morning to take it easy. I slept in, and did actually feel bad all day....so it's not like I was making it up...just hated to miss my internship! After major anti-nausea meds, throwing up a few times, coughing up some good junk and lots of rest, I do finally feel a little better--but not lots! It's not fair sometimes..and I know everyone has these days....it's just frustrating when you try so hard to keep up with something and your health gets in the way! And especially since I had last week off...if I was going to get sick, why couldn't it have happened last week when I had some time to lay around and rest?????

The frustrating part for me is...that I've already had a transplant. I'm not battling the everyday struggles of a CF patient (for the most part). I'm not supposed to face post-transplant challenges. But my body for some reason has never fully recovered from my transplant due to having basically died, so I struggle with keeping myself well, and more importantly, having enough energy. And today was one of those days...no energy...sick...which means no internship!

I will go to my internship tomorrow and Thursday, no matter what. I will make myself go no matter how I feel. I'm a very strong person and will fight until I can fight no longer. And I'm stubborn sometimes...yes, I admit it! I just want to get done with school...give my body a break! I can't let my health interfere now....now is not the time! But today...today was an off-day!

On the flip-side of things...my program director and the staff have been awesome with me! And my internship preceptor has been great too (although today is the 1st day I've missed). I started out this school program with no-one knowing my history. I don't openly tell anyone! The first year into he program, I went in the hospital 4times! They've allowed me to make-up tests, assignments, clinical hours, etc. If I didn't have good and caring instructors like I do now...I would probably be in really trouble of passing! I'm so thankful. And by no means do I take advantage of it, because I don't EVER use my health for getting advantages! But I do have times when I need a few extra days to work on an assignment or make-up a test. And for that, I'm extremely grateful!

So...I'm off to bed to hopefully get some peaceful and deep sleep! And I pray tomorrow I will be filled with lots and lots of energy! And I know God will get me through it all!