Tuesday, February 17, 2009

An Off Day

Today I had an "off-day." I woke up feeling sick and really dragging. Therefore, I opted to stay home from my internship. I HATE with a passion skipping work or school! Because if it's school, that means I have to make up the internship hours. I know I probably could have pushed myself to get up and go ahead and go, but I just couldn't find the motivation. Is that bad??? My body just clearly told me this morning to take it easy. I slept in, and did actually feel bad all day....so it's not like I was making it up...just hated to miss my internship! After major anti-nausea meds, throwing up a few times, coughing up some good junk and lots of rest, I do finally feel a little better--but not lots! It's not fair sometimes..and I know everyone has these days....it's just frustrating when you try so hard to keep up with something and your health gets in the way! And especially since I had last week off...if I was going to get sick, why couldn't it have happened last week when I had some time to lay around and rest?????

The frustrating part for me is...that I've already had a transplant. I'm not battling the everyday struggles of a CF patient (for the most part). I'm not supposed to face post-transplant challenges. But my body for some reason has never fully recovered from my transplant due to having basically died, so I struggle with keeping myself well, and more importantly, having enough energy. And today was one of those days...no energy...sick...which means no internship!

I will go to my internship tomorrow and Thursday, no matter what. I will make myself go no matter how I feel. I'm a very strong person and will fight until I can fight no longer. And I'm stubborn sometimes...yes, I admit it! I just want to get done with school...give my body a break! I can't let my health interfere now....now is not the time! But today...today was an off-day!

On the flip-side of things...my program director and the staff have been awesome with me! And my internship preceptor has been great too (although today is the 1st day I've missed). I started out this school program with no-one knowing my history. I don't openly tell anyone! The first year into he program, I went in the hospital 4times! They've allowed me to make-up tests, assignments, clinical hours, etc. If I didn't have good and caring instructors like I do now...I would probably be in really trouble of passing! I'm so thankful. And by no means do I take advantage of it, because I don't EVER use my health for getting advantages! But I do have times when I need a few extra days to work on an assignment or make-up a test. And for that, I'm extremely grateful!

So...I'm off to bed to hopefully get some peaceful and deep sleep! And I pray tomorrow I will be filled with lots and lots of energy! And I know God will get me through it all!


Alicia said...

I'm sorry you woke up feeling crappy! I hope tomorrow starts off differently.

Sarah said...

Feel better!

Katelyn said...

I understand what you mean by "off days" - I've been having two or three in a row now and would REALLY like for them to pass. It will pass Katey! :)

Emily said...

Oh, I wish these bodies worked like they were suppose too. When I get frustrated by the different challenges post-transplant brings I just have to remind myself, I'm alive. Without these new lungs I would not even be here and so that helps me to get my perspective right again. It's been a challenging week and I have forgotten to remind myself of that but thanks for your fighting spirit to remind me. Hope to see you in March!

Amanda Smith said...

I hate to say it but...I'm being cautious about the loveandcf.blogspot.com page. Having been burned by the "Pepe" saga. I've asked the author to clarify why the med. info is all copy-pastes from other sites. Also, the user's Yahoo questions

(user ID: Kellee J)

do not mesh with the loveandcf site.
I'm not accusing anyone of anything, but I am being cautious.

65 Roses for Marcia said...

Sure hope you're feeling better by now Katey :)

CFlover said...

Thanks so very much for your kind words!!

Out of everything in the world to lie about I do think I would pick something besides cf lol